I remember being so on edge that literally everything seemed to grind on my nerves. It didn’t matter if it was the sound of the gas-powered blower outside of my window or the telemarketing call or the email that just landed in my inbox… I hated all of it.
The warning sign we’re talking about today is uncontrolled anger. The key part of that sign is that it is out of control, like a raging forest fire torching everything indiscriminately. Obviously we focus first on putting out the fire, but what comes after that?
In Wikipedia it says: “After firefighters extinguish a fire, an investigation is launched to determine the origin and cause of the fire or explosion.”
After the crisis period, we need to be like fire investigators. What ignited the blaze? Was there something sudden and accidental akin to a lightning strike? Was there some careless insult or emotional injury? Was there a gradual accumulation of painful experiences without relief like a drought?
Beyond the cause though, let’s expand our understanding of the intensity, frequency, and duration of the rage.
When we look at the frequency of episodes where someone is especially angry, we are examining how constant their experience of inner disturbance might be. Are they grappling with this once in a while or is it unrelenting?
When we talk about duration, we are shifting the focus from what started getting someone angry to what keeps the rage going. Are they ruminating about some person or experience? Are their thoughts spiraling where one outside experience starts a cascade of negative or troubling memories?
When we reflect on intensity, we are assessing the degree to which anger might block other thoughts and the degree to which anger might translate into violence. When there is intense anger, the investigation into the causes of the blaze is critical.
If we can better understand the factors involved in the uncontrolled rage, we can better determine how someone we care about could channel that emotional distress in productive or healthy directions. It helped me when my therapist suggested exercise and high energy music as outlets for intense emotions.
I would love to learn from your experience too. What recovery insights have you encountered or discovered in working with clients after learning that they experienced out of control anger?
I would love to learn from your experience too. What recovery insights have you encountered or discovered in working with clients after learning that they experienced out of control anger?